I'm not one to moan *cough*,
but I really have to say that
this play was horrendous. I
usually think, if you've nothing
nice to say, then don't say
it/shut up. But this play was
bad. Baaaaaaad. My sister, friend
(David) and I had not originally
intended to see it at all. My
staple theatre diet, which consists
of Les Mis, was beckoning. Sadly,
I was the one thrust up to the
box office, and we should all
have learnt by now that I jinx
us all when I ask for tickets
in that place. Oddly for this
time of year, and on a Monday
night, the show was packed out.
We all looked at one another
in despair, and stood out on
Shaftsbury Avenue wringing our
hands. I suggested The Mousetrap,
but David had been staring down
the street and asked about Festen.
Fessssssten. £15 student
seats, no problem! The guy on
front of us was taking so long,
that we almost left. I really
really really wish we had!
Dutch play (if my ravaged memory
serves correctly), about child
abuse, all focusing on the dad's
60th birthday party, and the
revelations revealed there.
I, for some apparent reason,
was under the impression this
was a murder mystery! A whodunit!
David suggested that 'Festen'
(said in a Vincent Price voice)
was actually a monster, which
was to be released in the mansion
it's set in, attacking the guests!
I bloody well wish it had been!
It began with this recording
of a girl singing and giggling;
see, I was driven insane within
the opening minutes. Unlikable
characters, who all seemed to
behave like children. Worse
was the 'songs' scattered throughout
- tuneless, with the most awful
lyrics and actions accompanying
them (I think back to nursery).
David described them as "revolting
songs"! They were
embarressing to watch. At the
interval, we all prayed there'd
be no more. Naturally, this
was the night of hell, so of
course the second act contained
even more singing. Meanwhile,
I kept thinking, "Metres
away, they're all singing about
revolutions and a loaf of bread!"
and had visions of digging
a tunnel and popping up in the
stalls of Les Mis. If only.
was actually one likable character,
the depressed one (I could relate
with him you see). He was rather
amusing, the deadpan comments
and his odd body language. But
come the main singing and dancing,
he joined in, and he was lost
to us. The brother of the main
character was so horrible -
I really wished 'Fessssssten'
could have come and chewed him
up. There was this dull scene
with all the characters sat
at the long table, eating dinner.
This lasted for at least 5 minutes.
No talking, just the sound of
cutlery, chewing, and loud thumps
as audience members collapsed
dead from sheer boredom. A friend
asked me if I'd actually entered
the theatre, or if I was just
watching a restaurnat opposite
;) Sadly, I had indeed PAID
to witness this 'unique' moment
of theatre. Oh joy. The worst
thing was, the audience around
us were laughing throughout!
Bwa hah ha haaaar! The blurb
out the front said it was "Heartbreaking
and hilarious!" I kept
wondering if I'd seen the same
so upper class, and jokes centre
around, "Oooh look,
she's going out with a black
man! Isn't that weird!"
Ur, no? Not sure how long
ago this play was written (don't
want to know), so maybe it might
have been, dare I say, "amusing"
then. But this sort of thing
just doesn't translate well
to a younger audience. One of
the most off-putting shows I've
seen in my life! I was absolutely
mortified by the end that I'd
paid to see this, nevermind
them being discount tickets.
I really do mean it when I say
that I hate to moan about shows,
as I'm well aware a lot of time
and effort, sweat and blood
goes into them. But this is
a warning review for Broadway,
who will be receiving/burdened
with later this year. Maybe
this review will have made your
more interested than ever, and
will urge you to go see it out
of curiosity. The producers
will love you for it! In years
to come, I will have convinced
myself I saw a play with the
almighty Fesssssten, who arose
from the dead to pick off a
horrible bunch of characters
in an abandoned mansion. Actually,
that'd make a great computer