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(This was written before I actually WAS a games tester :D)

I think I should go into game testing, I really do. First time through on the last few games I've played, I've found some horrendous glitches. Really appalling, some irritating, but most quite funny actually. I stumble upon them accidently, totally unaware that a game-ruining bug is just round the corner.

Glitches and bugs are due to bad programming, and I have to say it, bad testers. Not all the blame can be piled onto the overstressed programmers. Testers are meant to check over every portion of the game - "What happens when I do this?" They have to be thorough. Every angle explored, every wall run into, every feature checked over and over again. You see, there are gamers like myself around. I like to see what a character can do. Like see how fast I can make them run around in a circle, what happens if I keep pressing this button? Is that bit of terrain there jumpable? Like any good gamer really! But this sort of behaivour leads to the fabled "glitch heaven". I'm sure most avid games players have stumbled across it from one time or another.

Here is a list of my all time favourite/most annoying glitches:

BLOOD OMEN 2 - Replay through the game with the legendary Soul Reaver, and during key cutscenes, instead of resting against Kain's back, it sticks through his right shoulder. And is hollow, as the reaver itself glitches, and we often see the insides of it - a sword!!! Also during the end boss fight, for a few seconds there were 2 Sarafan lords..... he has a twin??

PRIMAL - Has a tendency to glitch during the talking scenes. A character will suddenly repeat "Ok" around ten times (is quite hilarious, but also disturbing after a while). As my sister said, "What's with the what's with the what's with the glitchin' stuff, Scree?"

TOMB RAIDER SERIES - Where to begin?? Ok, whilst playing TR4, driving a jeep, I went flying off a cliff, and managed to somehow crash the vehicle mid-air into nothing, but still make revving sounds and all. In the latest PS2 incarnation, press the 'lovely' Ms Croft up against a wall, and you'll see the inside of her head, and these big round eyes staring back at you......quite scary. She also has a tendancy to fall through floors....

SOUL REAVER 2 - Right near the beginning in the Sarafan hold, on the otherside of a big gate, is a fantasic-looking stained glass window (which you see properly later on in the game). Being the impatient bint that I was, I wanted to see it straight away, and managed to glitch over the top of the gate, and have a closer look at the window. Nice. Now to get out. Oh damn, the gate is too high to jump over! I'm stuck! Shall have to restart and start again! An extremely annoying glitch, that one.

HALF LIFE - During the training level, had a guard following me, and thought I'd be greedy and ask a scientist to follow me as well. The guy ran right into me, and the 2 character models must have melded together, as when I looked down, had the feet of the scientist (though there was still footsteps sounding!). I looked up, and I was looking straight up the scientist's legs, at his bloody groin! And we couldn't move either, so I had to restart.

Glitches are a part of life in the gaming world. Some of the above are quite unforgivable, and I must say, the biggest culprit is Blood Omen 2. NEVER have I played a game with so many gawdawful glitches. But here lies the problem....without the glitches, the game would be extremely mediocre. With them, I love it to bits! The whole Sebastian boss fight, with the terribly misplaced dubbing, the awful character animations, and then the disco ball death........I'll never forget it. Without them, the game would have been condemned to the bottom of the pile. Like Zone of the Enders. Tch.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Glitches are both good and bad, it really depends what you're playing, the context in which you play it, and basically how much you love that series. We've all come to expect bugs in the Tomb Raider series, but seeing them in such a high class game as Primal was disappointing. To find a bug in the Final Fantasy series would drive me to tears. But finding bugs in the Legacy of Kain games has become a highlight for me, they're to be expected after all!

So game companies, if you're looking for any serious games testers, then I'm your girl! I'll actual *play* the game all the way through, multiple times (unlike that Blood Ome 2 lot!), and who knows,you might have a glitch-free game on your hands. Then again, wouldn't it be funny to leave a really horrid glitch in....? *Is sacked on her first day*

(If anyone has some other funny glitch stories, I'd happily post them here!)

MORE GLITCHES (COS YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH!):
FINAL FANTASY VII (PC) - The world map music has a habit of glitching, getting caught on a small bit of music, and repeating, and repeating, and repeating….
HALF LIFE- Often has the habit of inserting the footsteps of more than one person, so when running along, I can never be sure if those damned ninja women are onto me, or if it's just the game messing about again.
FINAL FANTASY VII (PC) - On the load up screen, the little gloved hand has a life of its own, and will leave me screaming in rage when it "accidently" selects New Game instead of Load………………urghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
SOUL REAVER - (Seen while watching my friend John play). An enemy somehow glitched whilst in mid-air, and high above the character of Raziel, was vainly trying to attack him. Was quite a disturbing sight.

ALL OF THE TOMB RAIDER SERIES

 

 

Thanks to John for the sexshy pic of glitching Kain you see above!

Cat Nip, all its characters & the artwork Trudi Castle;
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