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"Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically understood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own -" These are the classic words of the late Hogwarts Headmaster, Phineas Nigellus, who summed up the content of book 5 in the Harry Potter series - ANGST! Of the teenage kind! (Dum dum dum duuuuuuum).

3 years it's been since the last book came out, hasn't it? Something like that. When the date for the 5th book was announced, fans around the world rejoiced whilst feeding their home-made potions to various family members. What with the 2 movies occupying our time inbetween, it still felt as if it'd been a good 3 centuries since the last book. After being nearly burnt at the stake, JK Rowling finally admitted defeat, and gave the fans another book ("Take it and die!!" she was said to have cursed). So, 2 days after finishing the book, on this momentous occasion (Wednesday of course!), I give to you, my opinion! *Sound of polite coughing*

Harry is finally acting like a teenager! He's moody, bitchy, selfish, what more could you ask for? I haven't anything (well, much) against the teenagers of the world, as I'm only a year out of them as I type this, but c'mon, you know what I'm talking about. Harry has always been rather deluded and kinda spoilt since arriving at Hogwarts anyways - school rules mean nothing to him, and Dumbledore would let him off even if he set fire to every student there! *Cries of protest* Ahhh, but I like wee Harry, so quiet you at the back. After everything he's been through, especially year 4, twas nice to see Mr Potter finally let off some steam....admitedly at his closest friends. And unleashing that temper of his at the teachers was quite funny at times, especially towards Snape.

Severus Snape! My favourite character for those not in the know. Not enough Snape! Then again, if I was writing these books, Harry would just be some background character with Snape dancing vigourously in the foreground. Got some personal info on him in this book - Snape was ever a kid? Who'd have thought it, ay? But his worst memory chapter......even Snape-haters (curse you!) must feel a twinge of sympathy. How humiliating, being dangled upside down like that. Now is it me, but wouldn't normal people wear clothes *underneath* their robes. I asked this question to my mum and sister, who shot disgusted looks in my direction, with murmers of "pervert." I'm sure it's been mentioned that Harry wears jeans under them. In case of instances like this! Either Snape was some kind of exhibitionist, or his trousers were in the wash. Grey pants, interesting.....Aaaaanyways, don't you think James and Sirius were total bastards in that scene? And their whole showing-off attitudes sadly familiar? Still, Snape is still a bitch himself, so obsessed with his past that he has to take it out on his long dead enemy's son. I thought after the whole Occlumency scenes (wasn't that a great chapter?), Harry and Snape would come to some kind of understanding. Naw. There's another 2 books yet Truds, you idiot! Plenty more opportunites for sly piss-taking, bitching sessions, and SHOUTING AT HARRY WITH THE CAPS BUTTON PRESSED FIRMLY DOWN!

And now we arrive at the much-hyped (how awul!) death. Ms Rowling was playing with our poor emotions throughout the book, suggesting that hmmm, maybe *this* character dies! No wait, still alive, it's *that* one! Nyah! Nope, it's all *them* lot! I kept thinking a character had finally copped it when another would say "There's a pulse! Sorry about the confusion and panic, you can cross this guy off your list!" In all honesty, I though it was gonna be out of Hagrid, Mr/Mrs Weasley, or Dumbledore. Ooops, it's Sirius Black! You know, the fangirl favourite across the internet, with about a billion fanfics dedicated to the gorgeous pairing of him and Lupin? Him. Dammit! I've always thought he was a cool character, not one of my faves, but still up there. We were finally getting to know the tall gaunt guy when he goes and dies on us, how selfish ay? I had a feeling it would be him. Let's make Harry more mentally unstable by killing the only person who he truly loves! It'll make great reading for book 6! Which it will I think, how much scenery-chewing do you expect Harry to do next time round? Still, I felt the faint suggestion of tears in my eyes, especially in the scene with Harry looking into the mirror. But how did he forget that his godfather gave him a prezzie at christmas?? A boy who's not used to receiving gifts manages to forget he was ever given one by one of his role models? Foolish Potter! *Sings tunelessly* Heee had it comin'! *Dum dum* Heee had it comin'! *Dum dum* Heee onllly haaad himself tooo blaaaame! *Dum dum dum*

Here's my collection of random thoughts and opinions sorted out into the rather sexy list you see beneath this sentence:

Tonks is great! Umbridge is a complete and utter cow (or should I say toad?).
Dumbledore vs Voldemort - needs an uncut bitch slap session.
Lockhart! (Why does Word have no problem with that name??)
Not enough Snape. More snarling, gliding, and lip curling please.
Have a new-found love for McGonagall! 10 points to Gryffindor for bitchiness!
Is there anyone nice in Slytherin? My Slytherin scarf and mug say it's unfair representation.
More Occlumency lessons!
Harry shouldn't have any problem with murder, take Quirrell for example.
Ron x Hermione? Harry x Ginny x all her other boyfriends.
When's the next book out? Stuff it, I want film 3!
I finish this by asking a Snape question. No please, come back, it's a question that demands an answer! I've been waiting patiently (mainly) to find out where Dumbledore sent Snape at the end of book 4. Where? I thought this question would be answered in this here book, but alas, looks like I've got another long wait on my hands! Ms Rowling has probably forgotten....Will we ever discover what made Snape turn away from being a Death Eater, why it is that Dumbledore trusts him? Heh, that sounds awful, but I was relieved over Sirius's death. Not that it was him of course, but that it wasn't Snape! Cos I kinda made a small promise to myself that if Snape died, I wouldn't want to read any further! Sad as that may be. And why wasn't Snape fighting alongside the Order of the Phoenix near the end? Or was that explained already? I was up at 3am reading the last few chapters, forgive me ;) *Wraps Slytherin scarf around neck, whilst sipping a latte from her Slytherin mug* Ahh well, shall see you back here again in a few years. I hear the next book is going to be the size and thickness of a generously-sized bungalow, ideal for dropping on children from great heights! I can see it now - "Harry Potter accused of crushing a class of school children, and paper-cutting those in the surrounding vicinity. Police are investigating.

Cat Nip, all its characters & the artwork Trudi Castle;
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