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"History abhors a paradox." You gotta love a game series which spouts classic lines like that.....and says it seriously!

My bitch/complaint this time round is that not enough gamers are aware of the fantastic series, Legacy of Kain. They are living in ignorance, being suffocated by the constant wave of crap games thrown at them week after week. The converted, those who have seen the light, are sadly few and far between.

The games reek of sexiness. Ooze it! Oh maybe not always looks-wise, and ok, there's about a billion 'fun' glitches, though we're not talking Tomb Raider here ;) I'm talking sound-wise, and voice actor.......wise. The main protagonists, Kain and Raziel, are blessed with gorgeous voices, up there in the golden, shiny, sequin-covered hall of fame alongside Solid Snake *bow*. Both have English accents (NOT BRITISH!!!!!!!! Someone PLEASE tell me what a British accent sounds like!!). I'm so glad the voice acting is taken seriously though! Let's all do a group shudder as we journey back in time to the original Playstation Resident Evil. It spouted shudder-inducing lines such as "You, the, master of, unlocking, take this, key" and "I, nearly became a, Jill Sandwich, hur hur!". I think perhaps they were the scariest elements of that wait, who am I kidding? Zombies are the scariest creatures EVER to walk this planet. They do you know, I see them all the time up Enfield......BACK TO THE POINT, what I love about these games is the voice acting, how it's so good that it makes me wanna play through the games again just to hear key scenes (like Raziel and Moebius bitching at each other!). Seems that in that universe, "pawn" is a deadly insult. Raziel hears it alllll the time. Cos he's a pawn.

And the games seem better the more times you play them! There's loadsa little things you might not have noticed the first time round, like some enemy in the background glitching, or a raised eyebrow from Kain :D And it's actually one of the few series which doesn't have me shrieking at the tv in terror (only cos I know them inside-out!). I lied on my Silent Hill 2 bitch when I said I'm usually a calm gamer. I'm not. But it is Silent Hill 2's fault! Now I'm all jumpy when playing, am convinced something is following me all the time. I'm sure if I played Spyro the Dragon long enough, I'd start jumping. I've screamed at Tomb Raider too -_-

Woah, I keep going off-topic don't I? Well that's cos I know that 99% of the people who read this won't have a clue what I'm babbling on about. All I have to say to that is SHAME ON YOU! Stop reading this, run out there, and firstly get yourself a copy of the original Soul Reaver, otherwise the sequel will make zero amount of sense. No bitching that you ain't got a Playstation, as it was also released on the PC and Dreamcast. I have a copy on each system cos I'm sad. :P Then after completing that and getting ALL the secrets, I would like you to rush out again and buy Soul Reaver 2. That games turns the storyline of the first on its head! Don't you love it when stories do that? Nothing like a plot reversal, a scandal amongst the characters, and the usual "I can't remember my past. Oooh now I can. Oh dear gawd!!" And after that play the Blood Omen games. Not as good (cos I like to see Raziel and Kain together in the same game - the amount of bitchin between those two...), and Kain shrieking "Vae victus!!!" every other attack move can get slightly annoying. Only slightly though, this is Kain's voice we're talking about! I'm sure if he exclaimed "Lattes are the best drink in the world, tm!" all the time, I wouldn't be annoyed. :)

So c'mon. *Shoves* Go play! No, not the playground, the series, y'know, what I've just been talking about?! You weren't paying attention? Didn't think so. So you didn't hear me slag off your family? Good. >:D

Cat Nip, all its characters & the artwork Trudi Castle;
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